I Want To Kill Myself | Kirsty Akaal

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Tag: I want to kill myself

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MEDITATIONS & SOUL WORK

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I saw this trend circulating and decided to ask Ch

I saw this trend circulating and decided to ask ChatGPT to describe me as if it were giving a fair warning before someone met me for a coffee.

I feel personally exposed by how accurate this is.

Too funny!!!

Just so you know, she looks very calm and approachable, but this is a trap.She will ask you one innocent question and somehow, 45 minutes later, you’ll be discussing childhood trauma, nervous-system regulation...

She has the rare ability to turn a casual coffee into a spiritual awakening.

She’ll have asked you a question so unexpectedly profound that you’ll suddenly be reconsidering your entire life.

She’ll tell you she’s ‘just curious’ and then conduct a forensic investigation into whatever you happened to mention.

She believes in following the signs, trusting the universe and listening to your body — while simultaneously Googling, cross-referencing and creating a 14-point decision matrix.

She can spot bullshit from approximately 400 metres away.

She will absolutely encourage you to leave situations, relationships and identities that no longer align with who you’re becoming.

She may also spend three days researching the best shower filter.

She’s passionate, direct, deeply loyal, allergic to superficial conversation & occasionally existential before breakfast.

If you’re looking for small talk, you’ve made a terrible mistake.

And if you say, ‘I’m fine,’ she will look directly into your soul and say, ‘Are you though?’

Just don’t expect to leave the conversation exactly the same person you were when you arrived.”

I’m curious how accurate this feels to those who know me...

Drop yours in the comments below! Ask ChatGPT: “Describe me like you’re trying to warn someone before they meet me” and paste the best line here. 👇 kx

#SomaticIntegration #NervousSystemHealing #TraumaInformedCoaching #PartsWork #InnerChildIntegration

For a long time I couldn’t get still. It felt like

For a long time I couldn’t get still. It felt like punishment having to be quiet. And busyness was one of my major ways to stay numb to be disconnected from myself and my body and life really I used busyness as a badge, honor.

How about you? What is your relationship with stillness and busyness?

#highperfomance #stress #stillness #nervoussystemregulation #dysregulation

I get to hold people’s hearts in my hands... One

I get to hold people’s hearts in my hands...

One of the most beautiful gifts of the work I do is I often feel like I get to hold people’s hearts in my hand.

It’s a truly humbling and honoring experience.

This week I was telling my partner about a client I’ve worked with for years, who wanted to bring her sister in on a session.
When they sent me their intentions and letters, I had goosebumps. I felt so honored to be a witness to this sacred, vulnerable, beautiful moment. Their desire to repair decades of wounding.

How many of us have that in our family of origin, with our siblings, with our parents, and never get the opportunity. But would neverbe willing to get on a call, to come to a session, to actually do that work.

With support, in a container that can provide safety for both of you. An ability to be heard deeply.

They don’t know how to fix it on their own. Most of us dont...sometimes we need an outside witness.

It’s one of the greatest honors of my life, to support this. It´s rare but I have been bleesed over the years on occasion to start with an individual and then work with them as a couple or as parents or in this case as sisters.
Is this something you desire in a relationship. Wish for, hope for...?

kx

🙏🏻 @trevorhallmusic for the medicine 🎼

#SomaticHealing #FamilyTraumaHealing #GenerationalHealing #InnerChildHealing #RelationshipTherapy

I was deep in the medicine when my friend who pass

I was deep in the medicine when my friend who passed over came through. What I felt, deep in my belly, was this festering that led to her death.

The body keeping score.

At the root of it was her inability to FORGIVE herself. There had been darkness in her childhood that led to darkness in adulthood.
that she couldn´t face fully.

She just couldn’t go there.

I sobbed for what felt like hours. Gut wrenching primal sobs. Sobs of pleading. Sobs of sadness. Why hadn’t she been able to get there...

And she’s not the only one. I’ve lost several people in my life to what I believe, at its very root, is childhood trauma. Sexual abuse of different kinds.

Those cases are common, where it manifests as dis-ease in the body.

I’m not saying all sickness is a manifestation of this. But what I see in many cases, things manifest to get your attention. Sometimes a wake up call, to be healed. To be resolved. And sometimes we’re not able to get there. Sometimes we dont get there fast enough and the toll on the body is too much.

What I’ve seen with clients who came in with pain or dis-ease in the throat (the chakra of truth, communication) is often it’s from screams that were never released.

The telling that didn’t happen. The suffocation and suppression.In regression, I notice again and again that whatever’s going on in the present for them IS felt in their body. Conti I n comments…

#BodyKeepsTheScore #SomaticHealing #ShameLiberation #TruthTeller #plantmedicineretreat

Most people would have stopped sharing long before

Most people would have stopped sharing long before this stage in his cancer journey. When it hurt to look at. When there was a wheelchair, weight loss, nothing left to soften.

But not my mate Toney!!

He shared the full spectrum of his painful journey, the smiling photos and the hard ones, because he cared more about raising awareness than he did about ego. He wanted people to know what cancer really does to a strong man. And what it never managed to take from him, his spirit!

Every single photo, the same thing is still there. The cheeky grin. Toney flirting with the camera, with life, right to the end.

Its been a few years now. I am still heartbroken he didn’t make it. Proud beyond words of what he let us see.

Big hugs to anyone else in the brutal beautiful bits.

As I shared yesterday my only wish was he had been able to also share the darker bits, his traumatic childhood he kept secret till the end. I am honored he told me in his last month of life, I believe it helped him release something. To be in peace. I wish it hadn´t been at the end. I trust it was his journey though.

kx

#truthteller #griefandhealing #bodykeepsthescore #shameliberation #cancerjourney

I used success to camouflage my unworthiness. For

I used success to camouflage my unworthiness.

For years I measured my worth in what I could point to. The title, the achievement, the award, the thing that made people nod and say well done.

It was like a pat on the back for the little Kirsty who thought that she needed to do something to be someone.

When you bullied as a child and you feel worthless and unimportant that creates a pattern and a program where you do everything you possibly can to tell the world look look I’m important I matter I’m a somebody.

It looked like ambition from the outside. From the inside it was a little me trying to earn a place in the world she never felt she had.

But no amount of proof for evidence was ever enough. Every win just raised the bar for the next one, because the thing underneath it, the belief that I was not enough as I was, never got touched by any of it.

I am learning now. I am enough without any of the success and ambition and identity. I created around all of that, I’m learning that rest does not need to be earned. And worth was never up for negotiation in the first place.

Has this been part of your story too?

All my love. kx

#comehometoyourself #selfworth

For decades I sought it from the outside. Mentors,

For decades I sought it from the outside. Mentors, coaching certifications, one program after another, always looking for someone else to hand me the answers.

Then I had my awakening in Mexico, and everything shifted. I started learning from elders instead, from medicine women, from sisters, from ceremony. And somewhere in that, I found her. The medicine woman who had been in me the whole time.

She didn’t need to be taught. She needed to be trusted. By myself.

kx

#kirstyakaal #sacredfeminine #ancestralmedicine

For years I believed everything had to be taught t

For years I believed everything had to be taught to me from the outside. Some older, wiser authority who had the answers I didn’t.

Then I had my awakening, and I realized I didn’t need another course to hear what was already coming through me. I just needed to trust it.

Where have you been waiting for permission from someone else?

kx

#kirstyakaal #innerauthority #sacredfeminine

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