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Push Girls TV Star, Mia Dispels Your Thoughts on Wheelchairs

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MEDITATIONS & SOUL WORK

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The Spiral Returns: Integrating the Brave Truth-Te

The Spiral Returns: Integrating the Brave Truth-Teller I Used to Be

I spent this weekend watching old footage of myself on stage. Hours of it. From years ago, before everything shifted.

I was a truth-teller then. Unfiltered. Brave in a way I haven’t been in a long time. Willing to say the unsayable. To stand in front of hundreds of people and speak about herpes, trauma, shame, the things we’re not supposed to talk about.

I watched that version of me and felt two things at once: deep pride, and a quiet grief for the part of myself I’ve been holding back.

Because the truth is, I pulled back. Not consciously at first. But the repressed memories came flooding in right before one of those big truth-telling events, and something severed in me. I stepped off the stages. I went quiet. I did the deepest healing work of my life but I did it in private.

My partner said something to me recently. He called that version of me a warrior. And he’s right. That version was willing to do the thing before she was ready. She put herself out there in a big, loud, unpolished way that I’m still not sure I’m ready for even now.

But here’s what I bring now that she couldn’t then: groundedness. Softness. A willingness to go inside and do the kind of healing work she didn’t have the capacity for yet.

The two of us, the brave truth-teller and the grounded healer together? That’s integration. That’s coming home. That’s the medicine.

Someone said to me: it’s like you’ve come to the center of the spiral. There’s an ending and a beginning here.

part two in the comment below 👇 #awakenyoursoul #awakened #healing #holistika

Dragged back under… thats what it can feel like so

Dragged back under… thats what it can feel like some days. It’s Monday morning & I was ready to hit the ground running! Watch out world.

Then a call from a family member needing support and I´m right back there. With my own stuff that intersects theirs. I could be frustrated, triggered, flooded…but I have been here enough times now to know better.

To know that I need to take a pause, the plans have changed for the morning. Regulation and nurturing is what is needed and has to take priority.

So I rearrange my morning. I take the space I need.

Then I will be ready to take on the world but for this moment, its time to meet myself where I am. With what the universe has brought to my door, ready for me to process. Another layer of the onion.

I trust my process, I trust life. I trust there is a reason, a readiness.

How about you? can you trust what is here, with full surrender...?

K xoxo

#posttraumaticgrowth #embodiedhealing #trauma #dissociation
📸 @michellevdijk

Nine years ago today something surfaced that split

Nine years ago today something surfaced that split my life in two. Memories that parts of me fought hard to bury for decades.

I remember standing in my kitchen in those first months, screaming that this better not take too long. I told the universe I needed it wrapped up in six months. I had no idea what I was asking. I had no idea what it would cost.

Of course I thought six months would be enough! When something ruptures your reality like that, the psyche wants a timeline. It wants this to be survivable. I had no way of knowing back then that trauma integration is not an event. It’s a reorganization of identity.

So much of my life was reorganized from that moment. Not just externally. Internally. Identity. Safety. Work. My nervous system. My sense of reality.

There were years I questioned my own mind. Years I worried my system would never feel strong enough to hold me again.

Today I can say something different.

I am more solid in what I know. I can feel uncertainty without falling into denial. I can feel fear without disappearing.

If I could speak to that version of me in the kitchen, 9 years ago (so strange that I remember her and this moment SO clearly) I would tell her this:

You are going to be okay.
You are going to be loved in ways you cannot imagine yet.
You are going to stop dissociating.

continued below in first comment.

#healingjourney
#traumaintegration
#nervoussystemhealing
#embodiedhealing
#posttraumaticgrowth
📸 @michellevdijk 🙌

Alot of us aren’t behind, we’re simply exhausted.

Alot of us aren’t behind, we’re simply exhausted. If you’re in the northern hemisphere like me, we are meant to be wintering.

Even beautiful moments like my first retreat came wrapped in a season where I didn’t truly stop. Between Christmas and New Year I was still around people, still holding space, and my body never fully landed.

And when we feel this pressure to be ready to begin a new year when in fact, we still need a little bit of downtime from last year it’s important that we take it. Be on your own schedule.

We suffer when we never properly recharge or fill our cups. When we move faster than our #nervoussystem is ready for. When we survive seasons that ask more than we had. When slowing down comes with guilt.

I’m choosing to create the spacious, #reflective beginning of the year my body needed all along. Slow down where you can. Your system is catching up.

in these reflective days for me… What I really love is having time to strategize to plan to set goals to revisit to ask questions of myself to figure out what I need where I’m going what I wanna do in the world. Time by the fire, time alone in silence, time #meditating.

Who feels like they’re still needing time? Or #wintering in hibernation?

The last four days in private #retreat with my cli

The last four days in private #retreat with my client have been truly magical. I love introducing clients to the #sacred and ceremony.

I love, watching them, arrive with all their programs and patterns, and #ego and #shadow and slowly start to strip it away to reconnect to their softness and they’re #feminine and the truth of who they are.

Kx

A temazcal which means “house of heat” or “house of steam” in the indigenous Nahuatl language. Deeply rooted in the ancient cultures of the Aztecs, Mayans, and Toltecs, the ritual is designed to cleanse the body, mind, and spirit.

The dome shape symbolizes the womb of Mother Earth, and the ceremony is a metaphorical journey of death and rebirth. Exiting the temazcal signifies emerging renewed and purified into a new life.

Fire Volcanic stones, often called “grandmothers” (abuelas), are heated in an external fire (the “grandfather”) and then placed in a central pit inside the structure.

Water & Herbs Water infused with medicinal herbs such as rosemary, sage, eucalyptus, or chamomile is poured over the hot stones, creating intense, aromatic steam.

Earth & Air The heat and steam combine within the earth-built lodge, while the temazcalero guides participants through songs, chants, prayers, and meditation.

The primary purpose is purification, connecting participants with their roots and ancestral wisdom.

The process facilitates a deep, personal introspection, helping participants release negative emotions, stress, and anxiety, leading to emotional clarity and a sense of renewal.

Private client arriving tomorrow for a VIP one on

Private client arriving tomorrow for a VIP one on one deep healing retreat.

The first one of the year, I love the anticipation of hosting these intimate events in my home.

Setting up the flowers, making cacoa, and the preparation for the altar and our intention setting on artival. As we go into four days designed to help her look at #ancestral wounds and #trauma specifically.

These are always curated and tailored depending on the clients needs. The special ingredient though is always the love I put in. 💕

Kx

#healingretreat #traumaretreats #awakenthesoul

24 hours in Mexico City. I love staying with diffe

24 hours in Mexico City. I love staying with different friends and seeing what they collect. Trying a new restaurant and hangouts. I didn’t expect the hail.

Wish me good juju today, I am converting my temporary residency to permanent residency in Mexico. Let’s hope it all goes through with ease and grace!!

If you haven’t been to Mexico City I definitely recommend a visit for many places in the US. It’s only a three hour plane flight. It is as if Spain and New York had a baby. I really fun fabulous vibrant city with a lot of culture and incredible food. definitely worth a four-day weekend visit.

And I’ve never felt safer as that’s one of the questions that I constantly get asked.

Kx #mexico #cdmx #travel #food #culture

I’ll be 50 next week and as part of my celebration

I’ll be 50 next week and as part of my celebration somewhere along the line, I decided that I wanted to create a work of art. This is the largest scale project I’ve ever taken on and I’m really proud of how it’s coming out and I’m glad that I took the risk to try something new!!

It certainly has not been a smooth or easy process, but I’m really doing my best to just trust.

During my trauma healing journey I created a prolific amount of #art probably over 100 pieces and at one point I was doing at least three or four pieces a week on a very small scale with oil crayons, which I really enjoyed and slowly, I started adding an elements in collage, which I really enjoyed so this project is kind of a combination of everything that I learned and it’s also a sacred prayer And a living manifestation.

originally, I was planning on having a butterfly as the centerpiece to represent transformation, but as it evolved and I started collecting the pieces which you can see in the photos on the table, I had so many trinkets and elements that really were more suited to representing something you would place on an altar and something that would represent my past and also my future I knew that I wanted to incorporate poetry and pages from my book and as the project evolved I had some great feedback from a couple of friends who are beautiful artists it continue to morph into what it is today.

The centerpiece is really the #fire that represents transmutation, which I absolutely love fire has … continued in the comments pt2

#collageartistoninstagram

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